'Twas The Night Before Christmas
adapted by little Danny Pyle
Twas the night before Christmas and I was depressed
because Mom can not handle the holiday stress.
Instead of the joy of a great Christmas morn.
I'll be sitting here wishing I'd never been born.
I left Santa a list full of wonderful toys
and remembered to leave off the ones that make noise,
except for that race car so loud and so fast.
I know she will threaten to shove up my ass.
I'm going over the rules this year I'll be better.
I'll smile when I open that ugly ass sweater.
I won't eat all the candy and get loaded with sugar,
and I won't laugh so much when Dad picks a booger.
I'll compliment Mom on her warm dedication,
but secretly wish that she had medication.
I won't fight with my brothers or put bows on the cat.
I won't knock things off the tree, especially not that.
I won't get excited nor be overly happy.
I'll say she sings well instead of "that's crappy".
I'll be dreaming quite soon of what just might be
if I follow the rules all one hundred and three.
It must be midnight for I just heard the bell.
Merry Christmas dear family, see you in hell.
